Patrick’s prison now I’m back in real life and it’s crazier than prison omg

Ever feel like you're stuck in a spin cycle, going around and around but not really getting anywhere? Like everyone else is moving on with their lives, achieving things, figuring stuff out, and you're just... there?  That's how I feel. Like I'm the human equivalent of that one sock you find behind the dryer, the one that somehow escaped the laundry vortex and is now just... lost. It's not the worst look, I guess.  There are worse things.  Like, say, wearing Crocs...ironically. Okay, maybe that is worse  But still.  This feeling of being stuck? It sucks. It's like I'm at the party of life, but I'm the last one left, nursing an empty beer, wondering where everyone went.  And the music's still playing, some cheesy 80s power ballad that just won't quit. There are different stages of life, I know. First, you're trying to impress people. Then you're trying to impress people without looking like you're trying to impress them. Then you're...

 Dating After the Big House: Turns Out 'Experienced in Conflict Resolution' Doesn't Cut It Dating in your 30s is like navigating a minefield of questionable bios and even more questionable fashion choices. We've all been there, right? The awkward small talk, the wondering if your outfit makes you look like you're trying too hard (or not hard enough), the silent prayer that you don't have spinach stuck in your teeth. Now, imagine that minefield is located in, say, a dimly lit sports bar in suburban Denver, and you feel like you're carrying a ticking time bomb, a secret you know is going to blow up your chances at any moment. That secret? My recent two-year stay at the Federal Correctional Institution in Fremont. Yeah, that's my life. Finding a connection with a regular person over 33 is harder than finding a date in Colorado who doesn't want to either go on a 14-mile hike up a mountain at 5 AM or Netflix and chill (and by "Netflix and chill,...